There comes a time in life when you have to step up to a difficult task, and it involves completely stopping.
My mother-in-law fell in February, and broke her second hip (the first broke last year, about the same time). Elena and I knew we were in for it, but since we knew the ropes from last time, we just took a deep breath and started dealing. It would be hard, that much we knew. But it’s harder than we thought.
Being full time caretakers of an 87-year-old woman with an iron will, committed to dying with her boots on in her own home is the challenge we’ve been given. We take turns. One of us spends the day and night with Mrs. T, so the other one of us can take care of our own business and then actually get some sleep (in our own home) at night.
Our 13-year-old schnauzer, Roshi, was diagnosed last June with prostate cancer, and is beginning to show real signs of difficulty. His time may be approaching very soon. This is beyond hard. And yet it’s there to be dealt with.
So some days, it’s almost a luxury to just have to do what’s in front of me at Mrs. T’s. Laundry, wash floors, cook, clean the kitchen, go for walks, supervise the taking of medications. No real thought. Just the next thing to do, and trying to do with with grace and good will.
It is not the slow lane. It is the no lane. It is away, completely away from the world of doing. It is where, if you allow for the true space of it to flourish, the entire universe it yours.
I’m not able to allow for this yet. But every now and then I get close. I do. Every so often, I can relax my shoulders, let go of my certainties, soften my heart, and open.
This is what my practice is all about.
This is all I’ve ever truly cared about.
So once again, I am exactly where I belong, doing exactly what I need to be doing. Amen.
And Namaste, everybody.