Today it Begins

Don’t you love that feeling? The Today It Begins feeling? That wonderful swooosh of ‘nothing I’ve messed up in the past matters, because from today on Everything Will Be Different’! Some people only invoke that feeling on New Year’s Day. Others just wait until it hits them, after a particularly long run of crappy times. I have gone through bouts of thinking I would bring this feeling in every morning. (I’ve never lasted longer than two days at this.)

Today, I was thinking about my Today It Begins list.
* Develop my daily yoga practice.
* Develop my daily meditation practice.
* Daily aerobic exercise
* Write the first draft of a book
* Work on a new cd
* Write a new song every week no matter what
* Volunteer for the ONE Healing Arts COMPANY in Manhattan.

As the list grows longer, I feel my chest tightening, my heart getting smaller, more dense, and my vision narrowing. This is a clear indication that I need to reconsider what it is I’m doing. Who am I doing it for? Why? Upon examination, I realize that I’m still trying to fit into the ideal version of myself that I created, unconsciously, at some point in the past. And I forgot to just be the self that I am, now. The partially unrealized, unfinished self that’s sitting here typing to you in this moment.

So, no list. Just that great sweeping gesture, moving the past (and the future, and the imaginary ideal me) out of the way, and me gracefully embracing who I am, who you are, and what is, right now at 4:24pm on January 9th, 2012.